Alongside being one of the best filmmakers in the business, Quentin Tarantino is also one of the best poster boys for what not to do if your hair’s falling out. Gentlemen take note: if you’re receding do not follow Mr Tarantino’s example. He’s made some great films, like Pulp Fiction, the Kill Bill movies and Death Proof, and if you want to improve your “coolness,” then you couldn’t really do much better than taking detailed notes from Quentin. He’s got a certain kind of cool down pat, the kind that’s all about re-inventing what’s popular but in a slightly quirky and definitely original way.

Quentin Tarantino hairstyles

Take Death Proof. Tarantino uses a tried and tested formula- the psychopath car chase flick- and rather than trying to reinvent the genre he makes it just a little bit different. He tells the same story, but from a perspective we would never have thought. In Death Proof it becomes apparent that the victims are more psychotic than the psychopath bad guy chasing them. The result is a whole different kind of enjoyment, an enjoyment based on your surprise at the off-beat way the otherwise “typical” story has been told.

That’s all great, but you know what? Quentin himself seems so disappointing. Quentin: pics of you are tearing us apart. Celebrities open themselves to judgement by the public (that’s the whole nature of “celebrity”) and that’s why we shouldn’t feel bad picking Quentin’s hair apart. Where’s that flair for creativity, so apparent in your movies, when it comes to your hairstyles? Where’s that same brazen arrogance from your films: the arrogance that lets you take tried and true formulas, re-work them to your taste, and slap your viewers in the face with them?

Your hair, Quentin, is the opposite. You’re losing it and it’s obvious. But you’re hiding Quentin, like a scared man. You’re hiding (badly) from your thinning hair, beneath the thin strands so meticulously arranged to cover your winking scalp. You’re hoping to kid us- to distract us- with the stupidly thick sides of your hair into believing that you have the thick healthy hair of a virile Zac Efron type.

Quentin: we’re not fooled. We’re saddened. It’s not that we think you’re a loser for going bald. Of course not! It happens to the best of us (author included), and we think the shaved look can be really sexy. We’re saddened because you’re pretending it’s not happening. And we’re saddened because, to be hanging on to your remaining few strands of hair so desperately, you must actually be all torn up inside.

They say movies are dangerous because viewers begin to live their lives as if it were a movie. It’s not just “impressionable people,” but it’s a psychological fact that movies make us all desire certain fantasies. That’s all complicated and potentially damaging, but for Quentin I totally encourage him to live his life more through his movies. Quentin: extend that ballsy confidence from your movie-making into your hairstyling repertoire and cut your hair. Mark my words, you’ll be a happier man (soon you may even give movies the flick and run self-help seminars or something).

BTW: Anyone seen Inglourious Basterds yet?