"Emo Hair Changed My Life," Jared Leto*
*The following is the edited version of an interview I imagine I would do with actor/emo singer Jared Leto about his hair if I was an American talk show host.
Voice Over: Welcome to Late Night Hair- your non-stop around the clock celebrity hair spotting talk show wrap up weekly wrap with Roger D. First up on tonight's show is legendary thespian actor turned sensitivo fashionista and emo singer/songwriter... JARED LETO!
Voice Over: Jared's a bit of a hair god. You may have first noticed his extraordinary hair presence a few years back in the quirky film Requiem for a Dream. These days Jared's still making movies, singing in a band, and still prioritizing his haircuts, but... wait for it... he's turned almost... completely... EMO!!!
[MASSIVE APPLAUSE. Jared jogs on set. He's wearing skinny black jeans, an oversized black T-shirt, a black scarf, and fingerless black leather gloves. His hair is lank and in his eyes, and he's wearing thick black eyeliner.]
ROGER: Jared, Jared! Thanks so much for coming on the show!
ROGER: [Looking around the room at the adoring fans.] Ha ha ha!... Wow!... isn't this something?
JARED: [Sits cross-legged, hands clasped together, peers sheepishly out from under his fringe.] Thanks. This is great. I'm... yeh. I'm overwhelmed...
[HYSTERICAL APPLAUSE- There are even the sounds of sobbing from the audience...]
*5 mins later*
ROGER: ... Jared I'm gonna change the subject 'cos I'd like to talk about your hair.
JARED: Sure. No problem.
ROGER: You know, Jared, people always say that you've got great hair.
JARED: [Nodding, looking around.] Thanks. Yeh thanks.
ROGER: So, where are you at right now with your hair?
JARED: Roger, I'll tell you where I'm at. Emo hair changed my life.
[Someone from the audience quips "Yeah baby!"]
ROGER: [Hesitates, confused.] Oh, ok. What do you mean Jared?
JARED: [Long pause. We hear the audience shuffling in their seats.] Well, it's like this. I always thought I was emo. But I didn't know what "emo" was. Maybe I was "early emo"- back in 2000 [closes his eyes]. That was around the time of Requiem. I was listening to music, a lot of music. I was enjoying my own company, I thought.
JARED: [Takes a deep breath, re-crosses his legs. The audience is completely silent.] I loved the slightly longer look. I loved my hair a bit wispy. Like, I had a bit of a punk thing happening. That was when I had my "year 2000 style." But it was a bit "Bon Jovi." Don't you think? Yeh, Bon Jovi... [long pause]. It felt great, that hair; when I touched it...
ROGER: [Trying to make up for Jared's seriousness by sounding up beat.] I always liked Bon Jovi, [singing] "I seen a million faces, and I rocked them all." [The audience laughs sarcastically.]
JARED: Yeh, right. I really liked that hairstyle. I talked a lot with my stylist about it. We talked about the razored edges, about how they created texture. And I almost forgot, shape. And the jagged ends too. We talked about them. Lots. With the height at the crown, they made a great combination.
ROGER: And after that style? What was next Jared?
JARED: Well, I loved that style. But something was missing. Something just didn't feel right; like I was a phoney. I didn't know what it was...
[Someone screams from the audience: "You're beautiful Jared!"]
JARED: Thanks. [He puts his fingertips together, as if in prayer.] Yeh thanks. Anyhow, my friend said something to me. He said, "Jared, you're too pretty." I agreed. Suddenly, I understood. I needed to adjust my hair. I dunno, I saw a photo, or maybe not. Maybe I was just feeling a bit... dark. But anyway, I went black. And longer. I felt better. Like something wasn't missing anymore.
ROGER: So now we're talking about your styles around 2006, 2007?
JARED: Yeh. So I went black. And two-tone. The red: I love it. It's electric. More layers too. Through the back, they created more shape. And they really enhanced the red. I started to find myself with this hair. I was feeling "right"; you know?
ROGER: [Sounding slightly nervous.] I see. Do you mean you felt more you? Did this give you a renewed confidence?
JARED: Yes. Certainly. A confidence.
ROGER: And the eyeliner?
ROGER: Sorry, guyliner.
JARED: Yeh. The guyliner; and the gloves. I realized a lot. I realized I was "emo." And as soon as I realized it, it changed my life. It changed my life because I embraced it. After that, I just let it happen. I grew a beard. I wore the guyliner- even to the supermarket. I dropped weight to wear tighter jeans. It just started working.
ROGER: And is that were you're at now?
JARED: Yeh. I always felt too pretty. What was missing was the darkness. It was in my soul and I wouldn't let it out. I was nearly there. That was with the Bon Jovi style. But it wasn't until recently I knew. Now, I am just emo. My hair's a little longer, and I often keep the red. It's just who I am [very long pause].
It is me.
[HEARTFELT APPLAUSE, STANDING OVATION.]
What do you think of Jared Leto's hair?